Understanding our Triggers as Parents.
During the Play Healing 12-Week Pause Parent Mastermind, one of the Group Sessions deep dives into my Play Healing PAUSE Model.
One of the pillars of this model is entitled: ‘Understand your triggers.’
Deep down, as parents, many of us are aware of our flaws. We often continue to remind ourselves daily of all the things we think we’re doing badly and usually feel full of guilt, however understanding our triggers is a proactive step towards growth as a person - another desire I have for all my clients.
As we grow in awareness we will start to realise the ‘triggers’ that tend to set our emotions off. This may come naturally or need to be explored with a trained therapist or coach.
Here are a few examples of what a ‘trigger’ could be:
The home environment: feeling like a failure when the house is a mess or getting angry when kids (or your partner) leave things lying around! This can leave you with that ‘not-good-enough’ feeling of shame.
Certain behaviours: It could be the look your teenager gives you, the toddler brushing the contents of their plate onto the floor, the picking of the nose… the list is endless!
Crying: seeing our children in pain triggers a primal response in our brains and this can often lead the parent to go and meet that need. I say ‘often’ because attachment and trauma issues can also come in to play. The act of the child crying can act as a trigger in us sparking off all sorts of feelings. If they’re crying and we can’t seem to comfort them this can be extremely hard as we can feel helpless and unable to control the situation.
Arguments: The volume of arguments can be triggering for some parents - especially when we’re tired! The sudden eruption of an argument can be shocking and unexpected for parents as well as the children themselves, which can trigger our brain into a fight, flight or freeze response.
Non-compliance: when we ask a child to do something and they don’t do it this can be triggering for parents. Instead of problem-solving to work out why and find a way forward together we can feel angry and want to control their behaviour - pretty impossible when they get older, I’m afraid, so its good to find a way of being aware and conscious of our own reactions early on.
The list goes on but I hope this helps you to start to see the connection and importance of growing in awareness as a parent and understanding our triggers.
It’s an ongoing process, but extremely possible to grow in this area and one of the main reasons I launched the PAUSE 12-Week Mastermind.
Sending love to all the parents out there.
You’ve got this.
Debi x
